- New Costume!
What a whirlwind of a week. Some experiences this week have taught me about loving myself - radically, unabashedly, passionately, fearlessly. I performed in a couple of shows this week - for the first time - in full cabaret costuming. That means - full-on belly-baring bejewelled garb! I'm often way to harsh on myself, unforgiving of minor [and major!] flaws. But dolled up in my bellydance costume, I felt like I was oozing confidence. Despite my muffin-top, my flabby belly, saggy arms, small chest, and too-round hips [those are my flaws if you didn't figure that out], I was full of stamina, grace, poise, presence, and beauty. I love to dance. I am grateful for performing. It's given me the wonderful gift of self-acceptance. More than that - SELF-LOVE!
I need to take a deep breath and marinate in all that I am abundantly blessed with. I will go with the flow of my life with greater ease and optimism. I have so much going for me with so many opportunities for success in every facet of my life. I am grateful for true perspective and real insight. With every breath, I am becoming the woman I am supposed to be. I will be kinder to myself.
Ick. That's how I'm feeling. Mostly how I'm feeling about myself. I complain about my weight, yet I do nothing about it. NOTHING. I hurt my arm and my back so I can't exercise tonight. I'm frustrated. I want to be FREE! I want endless opportunity to be my best. I must focus on me. 100% commitment. It's just so pathetic that I continually sabotage my efforts. I am cheating myself - no one else. Do I REALLY not value myself enough? Or maybe I'm being too hard on myself?
I'm just watching this tv show "Extreme Celebrites: Skinny", while I'm lying on my couch surfing the net for gorgeous bellydance costumes. Did I mention I was eating a brownie and drinking coke zero? Yep! This is my life. How did this happen? What lengths will I go to "fit in"? Clearly I'm not making any of the right choices right now.
I crave a change. I need some motivation. Actually, I have a lot of motivation [my health, skimpy bellydance costumes, , promises of shopping sprees, future kidlings], yet I still can't say no to the brownie.
So - 5 days into the new year and I'm doing well so far. I feel better and I feel better about myself - despite eating 1/2 a pie tonight! On the whole, I'm pleased so far.
While raq-in' out today at class, my teacher told me that I could dance with more passion. I AGREE! My everyday life is so restricted and refined with rules, decorum, and stiffness - it's challenging for me to dance with reckless abandon while still balancing perfect technique. I think my technique and articulation has strengthened to the point where I need to punch my dance up with passion and JUICE! I want to make my moves more luscious and grand. I want to pepper my dance with drama and glamour. Adding all the passion will burn more calories, so it's a win/win :-)
This is a VERY big week for me. I need to have GAME this week. I need to focus on the future and continue to make myself a priority. I need to know that I have done my very best. I need to live a more JUICY life!
I love the New Year where everyone resolves to do better in various aspects of their lives. Of course, I'm still obsessed with losing weight, but this year I'm going to add a few others...
1. Get more couple friends - and work to keep them.
2. Get more girlfriends - and work to keep them.
3. Be a better wife - give more than I take.
4. Read 5 novels.
5. Read the B of M DAILY - also read the RS and SS manuals for Sunday.
6. BE HAPPY WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW!!!