I need to take a deep breath and marinate in all that I am abundantly blessed with. I will go with the flow of my life with greater ease and optimism. I have so much going for me with so many opportunities for success in every facet of my life. I am grateful for true perspective and real insight. With every breath, I am becoming the woman I am supposed to be. I will be kinder to myself.
Ick. That's how I'm feeling. Mostly how I'm feeling about myself. I complain about my weight, yet I do nothing about it. NOTHING. I hurt my arm and my back so I can't exercise tonight. I'm frustrated. I want to be FREE! I want endless opportunity to be my best. I must focus on me. 100% commitment. It's just so pathetic that I continually sabotage my efforts. I am cheating myself - no one else. Do I REALLY not value myself enough? Or maybe I'm being too hard on myself?
Read more...I'm just watching this tv show "Extreme Celebrites: Skinny", while I'm lying on my couch surfing the net for gorgeous bellydance costumes. Did I mention I was eating a brownie and drinking coke zero? Yep! This is my life. How did this happen? What lengths will I go to "fit in"? Clearly I'm not making any of the right choices right now.
I crave a change. I need some motivation. Actually, I have a lot of motivation [my health, skimpy bellydance costumes, , promises of shopping sprees, future kidlings], yet I still can't say no to the brownie.
So - 5 days into the new year and I'm doing well so far. I feel better and I feel better about myself - despite eating 1/2 a pie tonight! On the whole, I'm pleased so far.
While raq-in' out today at class, my teacher told me that I could dance with more passion. I AGREE! My everyday life is so restricted and refined with rules, decorum, and stiffness - it's challenging for me to dance with reckless abandon while still balancing perfect technique. I think my technique and articulation has strengthened to the point where I need to punch my dance up with passion and JUICE! I want to make my moves more luscious and grand. I want to pepper my dance with drama and glamour. Adding all the passion will burn more calories, so it's a win/win :-)
This is a VERY big week for me. I need to have GAME this week. I need to focus on the future and continue to make myself a priority. I need to know that I have done my very best. I need to live a more JUICY life!
I love the New Year where everyone resolves to do better in various aspects of their lives. Of course, I'm still obsessed with losing weight, but this year I'm going to add a few others...
1. Get more couple friends - and work to keep them.
2. Get more girlfriends - and work to keep them.
3. Be a better wife - give more than I take.
4. Read 5 novels.
5. Read the B of M DAILY - also read the RS and SS manuals for Sunday.
6. BE HAPPY WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW!!!
The New Year is quickly approaching and I'm SO EXCITED! I love that the New Year always brings an unabashed optimism for all good things to come. This year, I'm not going to outline numerous resolutions, but instead - I want to focus on ONE THING...
While the wind and snow is blustering outside, my mind turns back to only one month ago, when we were climbing the massive sand dunes of the grand Sahara desert in Morocco. The air was dry and hot, so hot that our guides would not allow us to trek through the dunes until late afternoon. Being on top of the majestic dunes is exhilarating. I remember feeling on top of the world, and yet so small and insignificant. Traveling to the Sahara desert was a momentous, and dare I say it, a life changing experience. Both the Mister and I deemed our Sahara excursion to be the best part of our whole vacation [which is saying A LOT!]. I think it was more than the picturesque landscape, it was the sensual feeling - the THRILL, the EXCITEMENT, the AWE - of being in such a unique part of the world. Now back in the Great White North, I can always dream of the Sahara...
The blizzard finally came. Almost a foot of snow. It's definitely beginning to look a lot like Christmas. I crave days like today, when all the world is quiet and I have a day to decadently relax and do what I want. Scrapbook and Dance!
AM I OUT OF THE LOOP???
It seems as though all my girlfriends are having children and I feel like I'm lagging behind. I have so much I want to do before I have kids, so I'm not stressing about it. To be honest, I feel sad about it. I know it will happen in good time and I know the time is not right now.
One of the best things I can do now is achieve my perfect weight, so if pregnancy happens, I will be a well prepared yummy mummy. I've been a dancing and cardio queen lately, so I'm feeling great.
But sometimes I really do feel out of the baby loop... But my time will come, then I'm sure I will long for the days when I could spend my days in unabashed luxury and decadence. My priorities [and sleep patterns!] will change. Our lives will no longer be about the two of us [or the three of us including Ginger!].
I have a passion and it's not even a secret passion. It's a passion/addiction I support with too-often trips to the store. I love Lululemon Athletica. I love and live their manifesto. I love walking into the streamlined, fresh stores with the colourful luon tops and bottoms neatly placed, calling out to me to try them on. Whenever I wear their athletic wear I'm inspired to love more healthfully and wholly. I love to run and dance and work out and lounge in all of their clothes. I feel chic and juicy whenever I wear Lululemon! And really, isn't that FEELING the reason we work out?
Read more...Yesterday I was feeling hip shakingly fab and I wanted to take another class. Jo sent us an email inviting us to take a basics class whenever we want, so I decided to take advantage of the great opportunity. It was an awesome refresher class focusing on the the foundations of the dance. Sometimes I get so caught up in our choreography that I don't focus on drilling the moves to perfection. Jo reminded me yesterday how important it is to be constantly thinking about the essential elements of the dance - the knees are for movement, the thighs are for stamina, and the glutes are for control. I would love to learn to be a teacher one day too. I'd like to work towards that goal. I love the dance. I feel powerful. I feel beautiful. I feel like the real me. Raqs Habibi!
Read more...The long weekend is waning. So much to blog about, but I've blanked AGAIN on all my ideas. We went to grandma's for Thanksgiving and it was lovely to be with all the family, but it was FREEZING! I also noticed that our family lacks real traditions, especially for such a meaningful holiday like Thanksgiving. I'm not being critical, just observant. I spoke to DH and we decided to create some of our own traditions with our own family. Speaking of which, we're TTC again. We'll see how that goes. We have a lot of research to do.
I started running in the mornings w/ a buddy last week. It went well and I'm very excited to continue! With all my rehearsals and running, I'm going to be impossibly fit and chic in no time.
We're so excited for our trip! 32 days! I can't wait for the shopping in the souks! I'm going to buy laterns, tea sets, bellydance costumes, slippers, sandals, purses, fabric, etc! I'm hopeful the colours are as vibrant, the smells are as aromatic, and the sites are as memorable as I imagine them to be.
That's now my belly dance stage name! Very exciting. It means "beautiful." I'm so stoked for our Tarab Troupe. I'm happy to be rehearsing.
We're sorting out costumes now. Again - inspiring me to lose the weight! I must do cardio. I must do my strength training.
Happy Jewish New Year! I feel so exhilarated and happy! Tonight was my 1st belly dance class this season and it totally RAQS! Our class is smaller and it's much easier to see our moves in the mirror. I completely adore Joharah! She's so glamorous and graceful and glorious. I'm so blessed to have her as my teacher. We even started our new choreography tonight and it's hot! It's fast and fierce, and we're going to use veils! Every time I enter the studio, it inspires me to live my life to be a better dancer. That means to be fitter and faster and committed to dance orientale. The most important thing I can do for myself is to achieve my perfect weight of 127 lbs. I'm thinking of doing Dr. Bernstein. I want to lose weight superfast. Dad's lost more than 20 lbs in less than 2 weeks. If I follow Dr. Bernstein religiously, I should be able to lose 35 lbs in 2 months. Once I lose the weight I'm going to get 20 inch extensions! I'm excited to blast fat by going to gym, running, dancing, pilates and everything I love to do!So I lasted 4 days on Joshi. It was fine, but I feel the same. I felt rotten for a few days, but it was fine the 3rd and 4th day. But the whole thing isn't for me. I'm happy to eat healthy and whole all on my own. I don't want the wacky restrictions.
So - here I go. I'm doing it! I'm going to do the Joshi Detox. It's going to take a lot of preparation & time in the kitchen, but I'm looking forward to it. Other friends have completed the detox and have raved about its benefits. The shops are closed because it's Labour Day today so I haven't had a chance to pick up all my organic produce. What I don't like about the book is that I don't really know what I can eat - it tells me what I can't it, but I'm not entirely sure what I can eat. The key to this detox is preparation. I love fresh, whole foods - delicious produce, grains, yogurt., white meats, fresh water, refreshing herbal teas, etc.
I'm excited to feel rejuvenated and full of energy. I'm excited to treat my body with respect and live the life I'm meant to lead. I want to fill my body with goodness and wholeness. I always want to keep active and prepare my body for a long, healthy life.
I'm thinking about change. Change of body, change of scenery, change of atmosphere, change of career...CHANGE is just about every aspect of my life. Change, however, is scary and uncomfortable. I'm aching to change. I'm excited to change. But what am I changing???
My Body - slim, muscular, lean, long, cared-for
My Clothes - glamorous, thoughtful, be-jewelled, sophisticated
My Work - artful, creative, independent, successful
My Mind - positive, brilliant, articulate, well-read
My Home - tidy, organized, chic, comfortable
I think I missed my calling in advertising or magazines. I think I would be brilliant at that - a cool mix of fashion, celebrity, colour, art, & creativity. But unfortunately, I don't want to to work those kinds of hours anymore. Maybe I would like it if I were decently compensated and I was passionate about my work!
Oh! I'm also thinking of getting a tattoo... I don't know why, but I'm craving a tattoo. I've never even considered getting one before. What would I get? I think the downsides of getting a tattoo are overwhelming [it's against my religion, I'm too fat and it'll stretch out really ugly, it's going to look horrible when I'm older], but the intrigue still exists...
I've been contemplating taking dance classes again. I'm auditioning for Kelly's dance company next Thursday. I'm also interested in taking tap classes and pilates.
Once I incorporate Joshi's Diet and running and strength training, I'll be a lean, mean dancing queen machine :)
I'm super excited to dance again. I love love love my bellydance, but I'm stoked to do jazz, tap and modern too. Adding pilates will be the icing on the cake :)
my surgery went well. now the healing begins. i want to get off the pain meds asap. i woke up early today to have a shower and feel like a proper person again. i want to relax and enjoy my super-long weekend. i want to go to the gym and work out and blast fat and get tight :) i'm sick of being rolly and round. i want to eat right and fill my body with goodness.
Read more...So. I'm going for my surgery today @ 4pm. I'm a bit nervous. I had a rough night. I felt nauseated and had trouble sleeping.
I feel strongly that NOW is the time to change my routine.
Monday -Run - 90 mins, BodyFlow
Tuesday - Run - 90 mins
Wednesday - Run - 45 mins, BellyDance - 60 mins
Thursday -Run - 45 mins, Pilates/Dance - 60 mins
Friday - Run - 60 mins,
Saturday -Run - 90 mins
Sunday - Walk - 60 mins, BellyDance - 60 mins
I do not want to live like this anymore. I want to change. I'm excited. I'm thinking of doing WW again too. Maybe this time will stick.
i feel out of sorts and off. i feel scared and stressed and unbalanced. i feel sick and mucky. my brain is fuzzy from my pain medication. i haven't had a proper meal. i've just been over-eating junk food and crap. i feel fat and sick and guilty. i want to live cleaner and eat better and feel healthier. this life is a LIE and i'm on the road to future illness. serious illness. i'm setting myself up for dis-ease and i can prevent it now. it's all mental management. i can achieve whatever i want!!!
Read more...After a long day filled with a comedy of errors, the cause of my pain was diagnosed. I need an emergency root canal! Eeek! I'm having the procedure done on Thursday and taking Friday off, so I'll have the long weekend to recover. I'm seriously happy that it's a physical problem and not a psychological problem [ie. stress related].
Read more...Last Friday my jaw started to hurt. I noticed that I had been clenching my jaw for a long period of time and immediately tried to relax my jaw. Ever since then my jaw has been constantly aching, and it makes it hard for me to do anything. I don't want to focus on the pain because I don't want it to get worse. But it hurts!!! Last night Adair got me some harder meds from SB so I could at least sleep. They make me too tired to take them in the day, so I'll just have to deal with it. I should really see a dentist too. Like I should see a doctor for my bald spot. It's like my body is rejecting my career. I wish for myself peace, comfort and less stress...
Read more...It's almost 4pm on Saturday afternoon. Ususally I spend Saturdays shopping in fancy stores for things I covet [not need], but lately my financial situation has been depressing and I've been sleeping in late and spending my Saturdays at home. I'm also trying to save $ for Morocco.
I'm a bit shocked about the # on my scale. I tried to eat right [well okay] all week and I ran and went to the gym. I hate that stupid scale. The thing is that I feel better and I look better, but my scale says I've gained more than 5 lbs!!! It's freakin' ridiculous. I'm so sick of being down on myself. I'm cute and fierce and curvy and sassy.
Fortune Favours the Brave
I wish I could muster the courage - the real courage - to change my life to that of my dreams...
"All my life I've wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should've been more specific." - Janet Wagner, Playwright
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