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So - halfway through my pregnancy now. Woot! Woot!

I met w/ my OB for the first time today. Part of the meeting consists of weighing myself. I saw a number I haven't seen in years. More than 4 years. It was a little hard to see at first. I feel fat. I feel round. But I came to the realization that my rounding shape is OK because I'm 5 months pregnant. I didn't have an excuse before! I'm starting to enjoy, well, at least get used to my pregnant shape.

I'm feeling really good lately. I wouldn't use the word "energized" - but I'm loads better than back a month or so ago. I danced for 3 hrs the other day, and I'm building up my stamina for when I start teaching again in the fall. A few months ago I couldn't even get off the couch, so this energy is quite amazing to me.

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Closet Shock - In need of retail therapy

With my expanding and rounding belly, my clothes are no longer fitting. I blogged about this back in July, but as expected when you're expecting, I am continuing to grow. I came to the realization this week that absolutely NONE of my pre-preggo clothes fit. I am officially relegated to the maternity department for the time being.

So today I got serious. I cleaned out my entire closet of non-fitting pre-preggo clothes. SHOCKING. For those of you who know me, I'm a bit of a "fashionista" - clothes, shoes, and image are important to me, so I have A LOT of clothes. Once I cleared out today, I had a handful of shirts, 2 pairs of pants, 2 capris, 3 dresses, and one pair of casual pants. No jeans. My huge closet looked so sad - unhappy to be so empty.

BUT - the thing I've learned since falling pregnant is that other yummy mummies SHARE their maternity clothing! This week I've had 3 friends lend me their clothes. Today I went through them to vet the fashionable, wearable items. What a goldmine!!!!! One of my girlfriends gave me 4 suits [nice ones!], 5 dresses, 4 pairs of jeans, several work-appropriate and casual tops, sweaters, and even some workout wear. I'm beyong thrilled as now I should be set for the next while. It's a bit of a relief to not have to wear the same pants to work 3 out of 5 days a week! I want to ROCK my time in maternity wear, so I'm now so excited to be able to change it up a bit.

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After months of feeling "blah", I think I'm finally starting to feel better. I'm now planning the nursery and getting really excited for the bebe.

I drove down to the US yesterday because their selection of baby items is so much better than Canada's. I ended up buying the adorable bedding set pictured in this post. The problem is that it's for a GIRL! And I don't know what sex my bebe is just yet.

My u/s from a few week's ago was tragically inconclusive. The naughty alien bebe had it's legs crossed [so lady-like and modest!]. I still think it's a girl, so I bit the bullet and purchased the gorgeous, modern, Moroccan-tile inspired, and deliciously un-kid-like it is. I'm not a fan of crazy animals, boring neutrals and pastels, and other supposedly "cute" kidlet bedding. So ugly! I figure if I have to spend a lot of time in this nursery, the decor better be chic and sophisticated. I also read that bold patterns, like this black and white print, is both mesmerizing and stimulating for the little bebe.

I SHOULD find out this Saturday re: the kidlet's sex. I booked an u/s at a private clinic - $100 for 10 mins! This baby better not act up again. Maybe I'll drink a can of coke first to ensure the baby is lively!

My mom was worried that I'm hoping too much for a girl and I'll be really disappointed if it's a boy. Not true. I'll just be happy KNOWING one way or the other. As for my crib bedding set, I'm delighted that I got exactly what I wanted, but it's easy to return if necessary. Just another trip back to NY - and who doesn't like another shopping trip???

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Still Raq'n for a Preggo Lady!

Last night I had a paid solo gig! It was soooooo fun. I wore my green costume which covers my belly a bit, but it's form fitting so my rounded preggo shape is highlighted.

I danced a 15 minute set, then an hour long class. I hope everyone enjoyed it. I thought I'd be exhausted by the end, but to the contrary I was totally energized. I even went for Thai food with my hubby after the gig.

Since falling pregnant, I've been so tired that my dancing has fallen by the wayside a wee bit. I remembered how much I love dancing [and how good I am at it!]. Dancing is my passion.

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Confessions of a Pregnant Lady

Don't get me wrong. This isn't a complaining rant. This isn't a "woe is me" post. This is just a brief rambling on my experience of pregnancy.

I feel like my life is not my own. I want to run another marathon. I want to train. I want to drink Diet Dr. Pepper. I want to feel AWAKE. I want to feel alive. I want to feel lighter. I want to feel better. I want to feel like myself. Again. I know that this is going to be worth it.

I'm super excited about my baby! I saw my doctor again today. I had a minor freak-out because my friend who was due the week after me lost her baby yesterday. I was supposed to schedule an appointment for last week, but I went out of town for a couple of weeks, then just put it off. But when I heard my friend's news, combined with my own worries that I've not "popped" yet and I've been having weird sensations in my belly, I scheduled an emergency appointment with the doctor today. He was very kind. I heard the baby's heartbeat again, and the doctor assured me that all is well with my normal, boring pregnancy.

The time will soon come when I can train for another marathon - maybe New York 2009 or Miami 2010? Drinking Diet Dr. Pepper isn't all it's cracked up to be, compared to giving birth. I imagine that giving birth will definitely make me feel ALIVE - what could be more dramatic in the human experience? And I know I will definitely feel lighter after delivering my baby. Yeah, this pregnancy is definitely worth it. What I may now feel like I'm giving up, is nothing compared to the blessing that will soon be a new part of my world. This is so me.

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I am in LOVE with maternity clothes. I know I'm not supposed to be. I know I'm supposed to complain that they're ugly, unflattering, and not stylish. I'm compelled, however, from my first-hand experience to tell you that maternity clothes are amazing. Where have they been all my life? I should've got knocked up years ago. Admittedly, they may not be the sexiest items of clothing in my closet, but they sure are the most comfortable. Who knew how amazing would be not to have to fiddle with buttons and zippers on pants? Just pull 'em on and they have this WIDE band that covers your whole belly! Tops are loose and comfortable. Basically, maternity clothes are designed by women for women. They conform to a woman's shape - round, curvy, and voluptuous.

I will admit that there are drawbacks:

Selection is limited. Not many stores carry maternity clothes, and you must be choosy about the maternity options. You must search diligently for the chic items, while wading through the plethora of frumpy frocks.

You must also get used to patterns. For a gal like me who thrives on her chic, classic [black and white solids!] staples, trying out "patterns" was a challenge. Not only are the clothes mostly patterned, but they are also wildly colourful! I'm really embracing this new style though. I'm rockin' the patterned clothing!

Sizes vary and you must try everything on with a strap-on belly. You can't just buy a top or a pair of pants because your body changes almost daily.

All in all though, I'm contemplating wearing maternity clothes for the rest of my life!

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The show was fantastic today. Once I got home, my husband made me a delicious dinner, and then we watched Pilot Guides' Marrakesh City Guide on tv. The delightful memories of our time in Morocco flooded back. What an amazing time we had on our trip! It seems so long ago now, but as the tv showed the Djmaa el Fna, the maze of souks, the enchanting mella, the Ketoubia mosque, Jardin Majorelle, and the medina tannery, the images seemed so fresh in my mind.

The husband and I would love to return to Morocco. We often speak of it. I still follow up on local news and read Moroccan blogs. Living in Marrakesh would be a dream come true. I'd love to open a riad. A riad [Arabic for "garden"] is a traditional home. It doesn't look like much of anything from the outside, but inside it's Eden. The house is built around an open air garden, ideally with a pool or at least a fountain at the centre. Truly paradise. We would eat our breakfast [bread, cheese, yogurt and freshly squeezed orange juice of course] out on the rooftop patio, overlooking the city.

Now all the husband needs to do is find a job in Morocco. He mentioned there's a big project going on in Algeria, but I'm not sure that'd be the same. I was strong-arming him last year to apply for a position in Libya, but I'm happy to report he turned me down on that one. My heart is set on Morocco for now. Or Dubai. I could easily live in Dubai. What it lacks in culture, it makes up for plenty in shopping!!!

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"You still got it, kid"

Back in September I auditioned for a dance company for "dancing professionals, not professional dancers." It's a cool philosophy that you're never too old or too busy to put on your dancing shoes. I made the cut and since then, we've been rehearsing like mad for our show week in the City. It's been amazing to rekindle the passion I had for dancing as a kid. The rehearsal schedule has been arduous, especially considering that I already have bellydance rehearsals 5-6 hrs/week and I'm 13 weeks pregnant! But it's been worth it to strap on my tap and jazz shoes, and get back into the "swing" of things. I'm in 6 numbers, which is plenty considering my schedule. It's been so amazing to meet other professionals with the same passion and commitment for dance. Today is our last performance of the season. I'm so grateful to have been a part of this incredible dance company for this season and will look back on this time with the fondest of memories.

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150 is my new favourite number!

I went to the doctor's today for a follow-up appointment. I didn't expect him to have used the doppler today to look for bebe's heartbeat. Before we started, he warned me that because I'm only in my 13th week that we may not be able to find it. Lots of women apparently cry over such things, but I assured him my bebe's sticking considering how crappy I feel. It didn't take long to find the quick little heartbeat - 150 bpms. According the old wive's tales, anything over 140 is supposed to be indicative of a girl! I joked with the doctor about this, and of course, he says that it's not true. I said that it better be a girl because I'm getting uglier by the day! [Girls are also supposed to steal their mummy's beauty and I look wretched lately]. If this little thing is a boy, I got plenty of problems!

The doc also said I have zero risk factors ;) The only thing is that I've lost 2 lbs! ME!!! Lost 2 lbs! He said he was worried about me not eating enough! I assured him that I'm the queen of pasta and poutine, and he's got nothing to worry about. I honestly think I put on a little weight as soon as I became preggo, and now I'm eating more healthfully so my weight may be balancing out. It was just ironic to hear from a doctor that he's concerned I'm not eating enough!!! SO far from the truth I say, as I enjoy my soft taco supreme - thank you Taco Bell!!!

**This isn't my bebe in the pic.

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My blog has been on hiatus for some time now. Given my current "condition", I'm lacking the requisite energy to keep up with it. Since "falling pregnant" [as the Brits would say], I've had a few retrospectively funny experiences. I've fallen asleep twice while driving - it's scary but true. I've taken to sleeping in my car at particularly inopportune times - once was through an entire block of church. I've had several episodes of incessant vomiting. I can't eat, smell or even think about chicken - just writing the word makes me gag a little. I don't like cooked vegetables. I haven't gained weight, but it's unfortunately redistributing to my already padded mid-section. The exhaustion is crushing. All in all, I've come to the conclusion that my baby bean is poisoning me. But hey, despite all my complaints, I'm delighted to be a mum-to-be. It can only get better from here...

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Newly Knocked Up!

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Whirling & Twirling out of my 20s

I'm now 29. There are so many things I want to do before I turn 30:


1. Lose 10% of my body weight
2. Get knocked up.
3. Decorate my house.
4. Travel somewhere exotic and fantastic!
5. Take French classes.
6. Save $5000.
7. Invest in RRSPs.
8. Deepen by Bellydance Study.
9. Get my business off the ground.
10. Relax more and stress less!

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Releasing the Real Me

Every night I come home from work and I'm tired, cranky, and down on myself. I'm so sick of feeling so awful. I am going to channel that anxiety, stress and angst into CARDIO - running, elliptical and of course, bellydancing! Also, I know that I'll feel so much more energized if I'm eating healthfully and in moderation.

My hubby and I woke up early this morning and went on a lovely walk with our puppy. It felt totally "suburban" - but in a deliciously good way! It's snowy/rainy now, but hopefully it clears up for us tomorrow. I didn't build up a sweat or anything, but it was just nice to be together.

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NOTHING. That's what I've done about self-improvement during the last month. Well, that's not entirely true - I've gained 5 lbs! I'm now at my highest weight since 2004. I'm truly shocked and appalled with myself. Also, sadly, for the first time since I started bellydancing, I feel uncomfortable in my costume because of my rolly, chubby belly.

Further - I'm also a bit sad because my belly isn't round for another reason. I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

I NEED INSPIRATION. I need to be more optimistic. I need to believe in myself - and more importantly, I need to believe in my belly ;) All in all, I want to take better care of myself and make my health and beauty a priority.

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Wanted: WinterLust

I'm feeling unsatisfied and restless. I want to improve myself. I'm in a winter rut and I need a jolt of vibrance. The snow is fiercely blustering today, only adding to my feeling dull and bored and blue.

Being a Bellydancer, I want to take better care of myself. I'm going to get a Personal Trainer, eat better, sleep more, and exercise daily. I'm going to get new contact lenses. I'm going to take better care of my skin [stop the breakouts!] I want to feel better about myself. I think I'm just feeling down because the winter has been so long.

Once I feel more fit and fabulous, I will treat myself to:
1. A NEW COSTUME! [or three!]
2. New running shoes
3. Hair extensions
4. Teeth whitening

I am worth the effort it takes to achieve my goals. I'm sick of feeling fat and sorry for myself. I know HOW to change - so that's what I'm going to do!

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1. Always exercise on Monday. Starting the week on the right foot makes it easier to stick to your plan.

2. Never skip exercising for two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise no matter how inconvenient. This rule dramatically increased the number of times I exercise over the course of a month.

3. Remember, exercise GIVES energy. If you feel too tired to exercise, remember that exercise boosts energy. It took me a long time to notice that I’d drag myself to the gym, work out for forty minutes, and leave feeling far more energetic than when I went in.

4. Any work-out “counts.” Give yourself credit for the least effort. My father, a runner, always said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him. Why does this work? Because if I know I can quit after five minutes, I get started—and once I start, I usually follow through with my usual routine. Getting out the door is by FAR the toughest part.

5. You don’t have to shower. One problem—mostly for women—is that taking a shower can take too much time. Look for exercise like strength-training, yoga, or walking, that don’t make you sweaty.

6. Throw money at the problem. Spend more to go to a more convenient gym, or to get an iPod, or to work with a trainer. Exercise pays off BIG in your quality of life, so this is a place to splurge.

7. Don’t set the bar too high. I have a friend who thinks it’s not worth exercising unless she’s training for a marathon – and so she never exercises. She’d be better off going for a one-mile run five times a week.

8. Don’t kid yourself. Belonging to a gym doesn’t mean that you go to the gym. Having been in good shape in college doesn’t mean you’re in good shape today. Be honest about what your habits really are now.

9. You have time. Just take a twenty-minute walk. If you can’t do more, do that! Just a twenty-minute walk will really pay off.

10. Exercise for SANITY not VANITY. I find it more motivating to think about the fact that exercise is going to make me feel happier, calmer, and more energetic, right now, rather than to think about vaguer long-term benefits, like strengthened immunity or longer life. It’s not clear that exercise has much impact on weight loss, so don’t be give up when the pounds don’t fall off. It’s worth doing for so many other reasons.

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Thinspiration Goals

Turning to Hollywood starlets is probably not the best measure of realistic "thinspiration." But every week, I faithfully (and jubilantly!) buy celeb mags looking at all the slim, gorgeous women. I'm overtly jealous of their rail thin, over-stylized, airbrushed photos. I know that this is simply not, nor will ever be, a reality for me. But I secretly wish that that reality was not true. Sometimes I think the celeb magazines are distracting and set me up to feel bad about myself - and how can I be successful at achieving my perfect weight when I don't feel good about myself? I WANT TO INSPIRE MYSELF!

I want to take better care of myself. For health, for beauty, and for the love of ME :) I will do cardio for at least 45 mins/day [in addition to any dance rehearsals and performances]. I will strength train 3x/week. I will eat healthfully [avoiding junk/fast food]. I will eat breakfast daily. I will drink 4L/water daily. I will CHOOSE to be ACTIVE in ALL situations.

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A funny thing happened this week...

I'm absolutely coveting a new costume. I'm completely in love with Samia Gamal, so I'd love a classic, vintage costume. She's so beautiful and feminine and graceful. I need to be a bit more of all of this things when I dance. The problem is that I don't want to buy a costume at this weight. I'm so uncomfortable with myself right now. I originally wanted to lose 40 lbs, but I would be thrilled to be 20 lbs lighter. I think I can lose 20 lbs easily because it would be a weight that is easy for me to maintain. I am going to plan for my weight loss success :)

I got my job! Woot! It's been a long [well not too long] process, and a lot of work to win this competition. I'm absolutely thrilled. After finding out early one morning this week, I was floating, beaming and apparently completely oblivious to the fact there was a HUGE, prominent hole in the derriere of my pants! Ahhhhh! The Universe definitely has a mysterious way of keeping you humble. Luckily, I can easily laugh at myself [not to mention my ability to quickly mend the tear in the seam!].

I'm still uber-excited, but I've got a crap cold that is finally beginning to manifest. The quicker it starts, the quicker it will be done, and I'm totally keen to be done with it. I rarely get sick, so when I do, I tend to get REALLY sick. Despite my muckiness, I was able to perform again this week.

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This week...

• New Costume!
• Manicure
• Pedicure
• Facial
• DIET!!!
  

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Radical Self-Acceptance?

What a whirlwind of a week. Some experiences this week have taught me about loving myself - radically, unabashedly, passionately, fearlessly. I performed in a couple of shows this week - for the first time - in full cabaret costuming. That means - full-on belly-baring bejewelled garb! I'm often way to harsh on myself, unforgiving of minor [and major!] flaws. But dolled up in my bellydance costume, I felt like I was oozing confidence. Despite my muffin-top, my flabby belly, saggy arms, small chest, and too-round hips [those are my flaws if you didn't figure that out], I was full of stamina, grace, poise, presence, and beauty. I love to dance. I am grateful for performing. It's given me the wonderful gift of self-acceptance. More than that - SELF-LOVE!

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The Winds of Change

I need to take a deep breath and marinate in all that I am abundantly blessed with. I will go with the flow of my life with greater ease and optimism. I have so much going for me with so many opportunities for success in every facet of my life. I am grateful for true perspective and real insight. With every breath, I am becoming the woman I am supposed to be. I will be kinder to myself.

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ICK

Ick. That's how I'm feeling. Mostly how I'm feeling about myself. I complain about my weight, yet I do nothing about it. NOTHING. I hurt my arm and my back so I can't exercise tonight. I'm frustrated. I want to be FREE! I want endless opportunity to be my best. I must focus on me. 100% commitment. It's just so pathetic that I continually sabotage my efforts. I am cheating myself - no one else. Do I REALLY not value myself enough? Or maybe I'm being too hard on myself?

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